Carl Sends an Email

Here’s your espresso, Mallory! I hope it cheers you up!

Merci, Anastasia… nobody… I mean, nothing will cheer me up today.

ANASTASIA, PLATE IN THE WINDOW! SERVICE!

Serve that plate, Anastasia! You’re the worst waitress ever!

But I just got an email from Carl on my phone! It might be important!

From: cheekenthusiast@gmail.com

To: so_many_smiles@yahoo.com

Subject: Check this out!

Attachment: twin-peaks.jpg

Hey Baby,

Check out the attachment!

It’s totally bodacious!

-Carl

………..

“Seize the day / Seize the rump”

Sent from my iPhone

That jerk! Carl mooned me over the internet!

Two can play at this game! But I can’t take a picture of my own bum if I’m always naked! I need fresh cheeks!

Angry Chef, I need your help please, honey!

I’m not helping you! Beat it, dimwit!

A simple request! I need your buns! I want you to moon me!

What the hell are you talking about? I’m not doing that. I answer to no one.

TAKE THOSE PANTS OFF, ANGRY CHEF!

YOU’D LOVE THAT, WOULDN’T YOU?

I NEED YOUR BODY! SLIDE OFF THOSE SLACKS!

FINE! IT’S GONNA BE THE SWEATIEST, DIRTIEST THING YOU’VE EVER EXPERIENCED!