The Poetry Slam

Hey Mallory, I’m performing at my first poetry slam tonight. You wanna check it out?

Poetry, Carl? Oh yes, please.

Poetry makes me forget about being alive.

But… zere will be a ‘uge crowd… I don’t like crowds…

Just sit in the front row so you won’t have to see anyone behind you!

I’m gonna perform a rap battle – against myself! I’ll be dissing yours truly!

You’re going to rap battle yourself?

At the poetry slam…

No one can stand you

You dull whiny drone

When you spin the bottle

You play all alone

You flow like a heart murmur

That can barely keep time

You’re as useless as a uterus

That’s well past its prime

You make my skin crawl

You’re sick like ebola

You sound like a perve

Dry humping a viola

You couldn’t even bang

A street walking sex worker

So you spank it and cry

Cause you’re a tearjerker

Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss!

The crowd thinks Carl is insulting them! I’ve got to help him!

Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss!

SAY NICE THINGS!

Um… brown girl in the aisle

You got a real nice… smile

Uh… the lady… with the afro

I love the way… your eyes glow

I’ve got love for all the ladies

I don’t respect discrimination

I spin a globe and pick a country

Before the act of masturbation

Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss!