Carl and the Mound

Wow, Carl! You look happy!

Course I am! I hooked up with a mound last night!

Anastasia, I don’t understand zee English? What is a mound?

I don’t know, Mallory! What’s a mound, Carl?

Oh man, a mound is an ugly chick! The opposite of a babe!

Like if you two ladies went clubbing, Anastasia would be the babe and Mallory would be the mound!

Carl, you’re a jerk!

Mounds are the best! You both get wasted, have sex, give each other drunken haircuts, do it again with new hairdos, split a pizza and then pass out!

Carl, you’re absolutely horrible!

Why? I love mounds! Mounds are honest and real, you know? Kinky, too!

Last night this mound was in the bathroom and I was so horny that I grabbed her driver’s license out of her purse and started jerking it to her photo!

But then she came out and caught me masturbating!

Well, she must have been furious! Serves you right!

No, you still don’t get it! She’s a mound.

She grabs my wallet and starts jerking herself to my license!

After that we made perogies and watched these Chris Farley videos on YouTube.

We talked until dawn. When she left she gently touched my face and kissed me, real lightly.

Never felt anything like it.

Oh my goodness did you fall in love with her, Carl?

Fuck no, she’s a mound!