The Paleo Diet

You’re on the paleo diet, Carl?

Yeah! You only eat meat, eggs, nuts and vegetables, but I’m going total caveman and eating like a carnivore!

You got any antelope or bugs on the menu, Anastasia?

Ew! No!

How about you gimme two T-bones, extra-rare?

Sure thing, hot shot!

The only downside to this diet is the constipation. I’m plugged up like a Christmas turkey! I’m practically shitting rocks!

Gosh! Is that healthy?

One week later…

Then I hear a “Pop!” and I crack my rib! This constipation is nuts!

You cracked a rib taking a dump? Whoa.

I don’t blame the caveman diet, it’s the toilet’s fault. Toilet’s are terrible! I need something to open my cheeks up, but also provide me the strength and support I desperately require.

How hard are you shitting?

As hard as I possibly can. I’ve gotta push like a linebacker to move anything an inch.

Did cavemen even have toilets?

Whoa, that’s right! Cavemen never sat on the dirty throne. I wonder how they blasted out bitter bread effectively?

I think they didn’t care and just shit. Like, all around. Maybe right there. Or there!

Sick!

I’m gonna go out back and see if I can flow some fudge. I even got an Archie Double Digest on my iPhone I can read.

You can’t read Archie and shit. Cavemen didn’t have Archie.

Good point. Hey… caveman probably didn’t read books when they shat because they had to be ready for dinosaur attacks.

Of course! That’s why we like to read on the can! It takes your mind off thinking that a triceratops or woolly mammoth might bite your head off!