Wanna Go For a Run?

Hey Mallory, you wanna go for a run?

Mmm… oh no… I ‘ate running. Running is a reminder zat being alive can be worse.

C’mon! We can wear short shorts and tease all the boys!

Mmm… boys look at me like I’m a math test or broken condom.

Don’t be silly, Mallory! You’re lovely.

No, I’m not. My ‘ead is so big zee atom bomb couldn’t even blast it to smithereens.

You’ve got a mean little body! Look at your tight little French figure!

That’s not true. I… I don’t even have any tits.

Well, I think you’re a knockout!

I can barely even look at myself. Zat’s why I like wearing long dresses… it ‘ides my zick zighs.

Fatty.

If you won’t come for a run, will you do my makeup tonight so we can spend some time together?

But of course. I love zee makeup. It ‘ides shame.

That evening…

You will be so smoky and mysterious at zee club tonight. People will say, “Who is zis woman? Is she a sexy spy?”

Eyelids closed, please.

Do I look like a sex kitten yet?

Almost. I need to draw zee whiskers.

Hey Mallory, why don’t you come to the club with me?

Oh no, I ‘ate zee club. A frat boy has two Molson Canadians and an erection. A girl with a barfy top eats a slice of cheese pizza.

Only a floating ghost can use zee ladies room safely because zere is pee everywhere. Two boys fist fight because one is failing welding school and zee other ‘ates ‘is job at Subway.