Abacus the Scientist

But you’ve got that beard and cane, Abacus! I thought you were old like a grandpa!

It’s traditional for gnomes to grow a beard and use a cane, Anastasia.

Well, how old is you, sweetie?

In human years, I’d be around the age of a mid-life crisis.

You’re not going to get one of those convertibles, are you?

Certainly not. A true scientist like myself would never do something so foolish! Science is not about wealth and ego.

Say, how come you don’t have a girlfriend, Abacus? You’re still a young man!

I haven’t the time, Anastasia. Research is my calling.

I’m going to set you up with my friend right now! She’s works at Starbucks and she’s awful pretty!

Txt! Txt!

I’m sorry Anastasia, but my work comes first. Please do not interfere with my personal life.

Abacus! Don’t go! I didn’t mean it! Come back!

So then Abacus walked away!

Who wouldn’t want to hook up with one of your friends? You got some hot friends, Anastasia! Except Mallory.

I don’t understand! Abacus is so kind and sweet! Why is he alone?

Abacus is married.

Oops.

Oh please don’t tell ‘im I told you! I mean I only saw a photo of ‘er once… well… zee wars when Abacus lived Below… ‘ee doesn’t talk about ‘er…

Abacus is married? No wonder he never roasts spliffs with me! The old ball and chain! Rolling pin in hand, curlers in her hair, bush like a tumbleweed!

She probably shrieks at him like The Wicked Witch of the West in a thunderstorm while smacking him with his copy of Physics: The Magazine!