Mallory Draws a Kitten

Mallory, I need your help, lovely!

Oh Anastasia… I’m not so good at ‘elping… and I’m not lovely, my face has all zee light blue veins showing through…

Can you make this drawing I did of a kitten look cuter?

I will try… as long as I focus and do not zink about… anything.

Mmm… okay Anastasia, I’ll give ‘im zee big eyes, oui? Also zee bow tie, ‘ee is a ‘andsome fellow? Voila!

Mallory! You’re a genius!

You should start an art class at the community college! Carl teaches a class, maybe you could too!

Oh right… Carl’s class…

Scenes from Pickup Artist 101…

Alright class, you know the drill. Shout out your questions about chicks and I’ll help you score!

What’s the best drink to buy a woman?

Martinis make women feel important, especially if they’re not. Next!

What’s the best brand of condom to please a chick?

Anything that makes your dick look like a Chinese cucumber. Next!

What do you do if a girl’s on her period? Do you still… make love?

I’ve got a saying about girls on the rag: hump ‘em. Next!

What if a chick asks you how much money you make?

Red flag. Gold digger. Her goal is to steal your cheese, that rat!

But what if she’s really cool?

A cool gold digger? You’ve got a Chester Cheetah on your hands. Remember: she’s obsessed with cheddar!

What’s the worst thing to drink in a bar?

Light beer. It says you’re afraid of doctors, tweet about NASCAR and own a plumbing snake.

Should you tell a woman that you’re married?

Dude, you’re married? Get a divorce ASAP. You gotta take out the trash before you bring it home!