Carl Goes Into Space

Hey Abacus, are aliens real?

Mathematically speaking, the probability is surprisingly high.

Whoa, too many words, Pops! Are they real or not?

(Sigh)… Yes, Carl, they’re real.

No shit! Hey, imagine if Alf was a chick? Talk about the nastiest mound in the club!

I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. I got an idea but I gotta slap the stooge.

Slap the stooge?

One quiet minute later…

Hey Abacus, I got a favour to ask. I need you to build a rocket to launch this into space.

What in the world is that?

My sperm.

Carl, I don’t even know wher-

Just hear me out! If I launch my load into space, I can pregnify alien chicks and continue my legacy throughout the universe!

I’ll pay you a solid G! A thousand bucks can buy you a lot of lab coats and beakers and hydrogens!

Three quiet weeks later…

So you made the changes we discussed, Abacus?

That’s correct, Carl.

I’ve added a large storage compartment to carry up to fifty kilograms of material. What are you putting inside?

Just these pornos. They’re like loaded with my man genetics!

Why did you take the spines off the magazines? Why are the pages loose?

So I could spread ‘em out! You think I can hold a magazine and turn pages if I’m slapping my stooge? My stooge demands full attention!