Mallory and the Computer

I keep telling you, Mallory! You can’t be afraid of computers!

But… but I don’t know what to do.

Carl, ‘ow does… where is zee email? I don’t… I mean… I don’t even ‘ave zee email address!

Just use Gmail. It’s easy! Why use anything else?

I… I don’t really know.

All you gotta do is pick a Gmail name. Like bushchaser69 or outstanding_roundness!

Can I be zeequietmouse email?

You can be whatever you want! We’ll sign you up to Twitter, too! Using Twitter is like sending a short email to the whole world!

Why would you want to do zat?

Carl @cheekchecker

Hey Twitter! I just ejaculated!

Carl @cheekchecker

I fired one out! Whoop there it is

Carl @cheekchecker

Guess who made a mess?

Carl @cheekchecker

I saw this carrot that looked like Beyonce’s thighs so I blasted a wad

Carl @cheekchecker

Guys I came

Facebook is awesome too! You can be friends with all kinds of people! Even people you knew from high school!

People from…

High school?

You can use even Facebook to look at people you don’t know!

But you do zat on zee street every day!

You just don’t get the internet! Let’s try something simple like Google Images. Look! Kittens!

Oh! So many! Zat one’s cute! But… zat one’s not a kitten…

So. Right. That’s a huge dick. Sometimes that happens in Google Images.

Sometimes that happens.

I don’t like zis Google. She… she is… so ‘orrible.

Yeah well, better get used to it. Google is like herpes, it’s not going anywhere.