Eating

You’re like the normalest eater ever, Abacus!

A normal eater? How else would I eat, Anastasia?

Well, Carl’s a scarfer. The guy eats like a mad dog. He’s in there with two hands, even if it’s soup.

I eat slow cause I talk so much!

…buy cherry red lipstick, adopt a Pomeranian and tell Donatella Versace everything will be okay!

Zee only zing on my bucket list is suicide.

Angry Chef eats angry. The fella crushes his sandwiches flatter than flounder and he’s never very happy about eating his green beans.

FUCK YOU!

Mallory is all fidgety. She looks at her food sideways, like a bird that isn’t sure if it’s seeing a stone or a bread crumb!

Will you make me a chubby?

Toast is a snacker. He eats all day!

Hey peachpit, you wanna take a lunch break with me?

Angry Chef says if a line cook takes a break, he breaks a line cook.

You want some rhubarb pie, Abacus? It’s on the house, because I’m sweet on ya!

No thank you. I’m full.

Wink!

HEY ANGRY CHEF! WASSA RHUBARB PIE STATUS? WE SOLD OUT OR WHAT?

WE STILL GOT PIE! KISS MY FAT ASS, YOU DOG!

DON’T CALL ME A FIDO, YOU JERK! I’LL QUIT! I PROMISE!

GO AHEAD! I NEED YOU LIKE I NEED A WOODEN DICK!

YOU PROLLY GOT A WOODEN HELLO! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS SO GROUCHY!

I’M GROUCHY BECAUSE I ALWAYS SEE YOUR FACE THROUGH THE GLORY HOLE!

Man, what an amateur. You never look through the glory hole. If anything, you slide them a dozen roses, thorns removed, one at a time.
With my luck, I’d take a peek and see crazy Dontella Versace pointing to a Pomeranian in cherry red lipstick happily licking its chops. Worst part is, I think I’m getting a chubby.