The Promotion

You had wine before, dumbass?

Sure! I’ve drank wine like a thousand times!

Angry Chef! You can’t give Toast booze! He’s a kid!

Ah, stuff it, Anastasia! We’re celebrating!

Yeah, stuff it, Anastasia! We’re celebrating!

I don’t think I’d ever say it, but I’m proud of the little jerkstick! He saw this crook stealing from the cash register, so he did exactly what I showed him the first day I hired ‘em!

A thief was stealing money from the till? What did you do?

I stabbed the guy!

Earlier that day…

Hey you! The little crapstomper! I got some questions for you.

What kind of questions?

Pay attention, crapkicker! What’s wrong with this gravy?

It’s all thin and shitty! We gonna thicken it!

What do you think about this meatloaf? Look good to you?

Nah. We gotta put ketchup on it before it goes in the oven!

Taste this soup. What’s the problem?

It needs salt and celery! Duh!

Lemme check your history and see if you’re still a kitchen bitch.

Whaddya mean? I like being a kitchen bitch! Am I fired? If you fire me I’ll kick your ass!

You’re not getting fired! You’ll get promoted to line cook if you complete one last task. But this last task hardly ever happens.

Me? A line cook? Wow!

Hey! That guy out front is stealing from the cash register! I’M ON IT!

Son of a bitch! It’s your time to shine!

PROMOTION CHECKLIST
Cooking knowledge
Curses at servers
Cleans up barf
Stabs a thief
Takes a swing at me
Takes a swing at me when I’m sitting on the can
Steals Carl’s wallet and orders a new stove on Amazon
Switches my tequila with water when I’m drunk so I don’t get alcohol poisoning